There is a sense of Groundhog Day about Kate’s love life, and it didn’t all start with the tangled Georgia/Kyle merry-go-round. With the re-appearance in Erinsborough recently of Mark Brennan, it feels almost like things have come full circle, and those of us who grew thoroughly fed up of this off-on romance back in the day are now sighing wearily that the bloody thing is getting going all over again. Someone in the Neighbours office seems to like Brennan, a character curiously everyone in Ramsay Street calls by his surname. They have brought him back enough times, yet his oddly staccato acting performances make Ned (remember him?) seem like Laurence Olivier.

Brennan first graced us with his presence in his former guise as DI Brennan, trying to work out who pushed Paul Robinson off the mezzanine (this is going to be a simple one, thought he, the man can’t have THAT many enemies). He quickly engaged in pursuit of flighty Kate, who was at that time being the Georgia character. You know the one. Bubbly, contrary, you-don’t-understand-how-I-feel (incidentally, Kate got a lot more likeable once Georgia arrived and took over being the Georgia character). For many of us, as the lies and deceit around Paul’s nosedive off the Lassiter’s mezzanine ramped up, the game of affection ping-pong between Kate and Brennan grew ever more tiresome. I can’t remember the details, but he lied about something trivial (probably feigning a sports injury to get out of watching one of Kate’s dancing shows) and she couldn’t forgive him, then she lied about Rebecca shoving her husband off the balcony and that was ok, such was Kate-Logic at the time. A nation of viewers screamed EITHER GET TOGETHER OR NEVER SPEAK AGAIN BUT MAKE UP YOUR MIND. Then he vanished into witness protection. Life, eh?

It was a night we will never forget. In true Neighbours fashion, Brennan had told Kate to meet him in a darkened street by a certain time, or she’d never see him again. Disaster then struck, as a batch of Kate’s fairy cakes took too long to go fluffy in the oven and selfish sibling Sophie kicked up a stink about leaving her entire life and family to change her identity and go into witness protection hiding. It was always about the me-me-me with that girl. To cut a long story short, Kate ran to catch Brennan but because someone put her into a slow-motion tracking shot she missed their rendezvous. A few weeks later – BAM – he was dead.

But, as previously suggested, someone in the production office obviously likes Brennan, because even death couldn’t keep that well-waxed chest down. Obviously what us viewers like in a character is not any semblance of realism or flaws, but a vacuous, physically perfect but wooden young man. They keep on throwing them at us! Brennan may look like if he smiles his face would crack from ear to ear, but he can strip off his top at every given opportunity, and that’s what counts, right? Actually, when he did pop up again, around a year ago now, someone accidentally gave him a bit of character development and it was quite satisfying. He turned into a bit of a stalking weirdo, and alarmed Kate gave him the brush-off; which was cheer-provoking for those of us fed up with this unrealistically perfect cipher. Bye bye, Brennan! Don’t ever come back.