Overall, how would you describe yourself?
Really shy, but I'm okay once you get to know me.
I'm really opinionated and stand up for what I believe in. Sometimes.
Where's my old boyfriend?
I'm evil to the core, but trying to get into everyone's good books again.
I live my life through the guidance of the Good Book.
I'm cheeky and obsessed with Steph Scully.
I'm an all round nice guy.
What's your best outfit?
Something sexy, I guess. It's not like I have a husband to impress. Even when I was married.
Black, brown... evil stuff, really. Oh, and vile green leather jackets.
Well, I'm never seen out of my white shirt and bow tie these days.
My daggy school uniform. I don't feel anything for you people! You're all strangers!
I dunno. Something which diverts the attention away from my enormous hair.
A luminous orange mental patient shirt.
What is your defining moment?
Probably when I came back from the dead. Not exactly something you do everyday, is it?
I can't remember.
Conquering my shyness, I suppose.
Hmmm. I don't recall ever having a storyline that didn't involve a woman, now I think of it.
It's got to be when my husband died. I mean, I've heard of set decoration before but Jeez...
I suppose it was when I finally came out of my shell and managed to pull the best looking girl on the street, after years of knockbacks and psycho girlfriends.
Um... yeah. I'm 10, give me a break.
If one of your friends needed help, what would you do?
Set her up with my dad.
Buy them a beer and dish out advice or something.
Probably remind them that my life is way more tragic.
Make money out of them, or see how I can gain from it.
Write them a song. Or something.
There's a strange man following me, Carmel.
Take them into my home and foster them.
If it was up to you to pick any Christmas tree, what would you pick?
The most modest tree, with an angel on the top.
One with lots of wooden decorations, to remind me of my married life.
One with musical, singing lights.
The most expensive tree.
The last Christmas I had was in 1965.
One which... oh, I dunno. What sort of question is that anyway?
Whatever one Steph Scully likes.
When it comes to friends...
I'll answer in a sec, let me just clean up this milk I spilt...
I don't have any, because I'm evil.
They're the most important things in your life, even though all I do is squabble with my best friend. I try the phone, but I'm too shy [can't speak]
I become obsessed with older women and try to hook them up with my dad.
I let them move into my house for the standard two/three years before they leave to launch a singing career.
I only have one, I guess. But hey ho.
What sort of book would you be most likely read? Putting the Past Behind You by A M Nesia So you're obsessed with your Neighbour?
How to Have Three Jobs and Still Manage to Never Get a Storyline
How to Play Beethoven
My Husband's Dead and I've Never Felt Better
How to Make Money in One Easy Step
If you could change one thing about yourself, what would it be?
I suppose I'd try to be less judgemental of others.
Nothing, my life is fine. Especially now my husband's dead.
I'd like to be able to have a long term girlfriend without a fear that she's cheating on me.
My hair. It'd be good if it wasn't so... big.
My shyness, I suppose.